Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Cocktails and Cock Tales with Santa's Elves--Part One

Pip the Elf

What we are drinking:

Spiked Cocoa

Hot cocoa
Add a shot of whipped cream vodka

Deanna: Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule and joining us today, Pip! You elves must be very busy up at the North Pole this time of year

Pip: Glad to be here! And yes, we are very busy getting everything ready for Christmas.

Deanna: Now since you are new to the Cocktails and Cock Tales segment, lemme get you a drink. (((fills his mug)))

Pip: Hmmm, I like this interview already! I love cocoa, but Santa doesn't like us to drink too much so this is a real treat. (((sips happily at his cocoa)))

Deanna: From what you guys told me when I wrote your stories, Santa sounds like a bit of a prude

Pip: Oh, he has his moments, but c'mon, how can you not love a guy who devotes all his eternity to making toys for little kids.?

Deanna: True, true! (((raises her mug))) To Santa!

Pip: (((clinks mugs))) I'll drink to that! And between you and me, Santa is one hottie! Not an ounce of body fat and the best blond hair you've ever seen. He looks like a tall Nordic god. Probably because he is a tall Nordic god. Well, a demi-god anyway.

Deanna: I still can't get over that. And I'm sure it will shatter my readers previous ideas of jolly ol' Saint Nick

Pip: Most people don't know Santa's real name is Lord Nikolas Claus. He and his twin sister Lady Frieda are the half-human grandchildren of the Nordic goddess Freyja. Centuries ago, Freyja had asked the Ljósálfar—Light Elves like me—and the Dark Elves, or Dökkálfar, who lived in the earth, to come to the North Pole and serve her grandchildren. Long before I arrived, the humans sainted Lord Nikolas and now he goes by Santa Claus. Lady Frieda somehow got mistaken for his wife in the tales. She hates it when anyone calls her Mrs. Claus.

Deanna: Enough about Santa, we wanna hear about you! Can you tell us how you ended up working for Santa in the North Pole?

Pip: (((kicks back in his seat))) I wasn't one of the original elves asked to work in the North Pole by Freyja. I was sent to the North Pole by the folks back home in Álfheimr—the sky world of the Light Elves—because they had no idea what to do with me.
I was abandoned by my parents when I was young so I’d been a lowlife pick-pocket Charles Dickens could’ve written a story about.
If it hadn’t been for the Santa’s Little Helper Work Release Program for orphans and juvenile delinquents, I’d probably be in jail somewhere. But Santa gave me a fresh start, a purpose in life. Now I work in the Electronics Department, making video games and stuff like that

Deanna: Cool, now can you tell me about this infamous List Ms. Claus has?

Pip: If you give me a refill (((holds out his mug expectantly)))

Deanna: Of course!

Pip: Thanks! Now the List is very much on the down low, let me start by saying. Santa knows nothing about it. You see, we work hard all year and when Santa takes off in his sleigh to deliver the toys, let's just say we party.

Deanna: When Santa is away the elves will play!

Pip: Exactly! Now any elf that wants to spend Christmas Eve with Ms. Claus enters their name on her list and she picks who she wants to spend the day with. This year I put my name on the list

Deanna: You did! Well did she pick you?

Pip: We'll, you'll just have to read MS. CLAUS'S LIST and find out!

Deanna: You tease!

Pip: (((gives a devilish smirk))) I know.

Deanna: Can you tell us about your book, coming out this weekend?

Pip: Yes! I have my own book! Can you believe it?!!

Deanna: Yes, silly, I wrote it

Pip: (((drains his mug and refills it with just vodka))) Whatever, Deanna, don't be stealin' my thunder. My book is called PIP'S BOXING DAY WISH and it tells the story of how I met my sweetie, the love of my life

Deanna: You gonna give us a hint as to who it is?

Pip: No way! You have to read the books to find out!

Deanna: Okay, one last know I gotta pry a little. Do elves really have candy flavored cum?

Pip: (((throws back his head laughing))) Why of course we do!!!!!

If you would like to find out whether or not Pip gets selected for a naughty night with Ms. Claus leave a comment below and you can win a copy of MS. CLAUS'S LIST Book One of my Naughty North Pole Series

And stay tuned for Book Two--PIP'S BOXING DAY WISH coming this Friday December 16th from Decadent Publishing