Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Ichabod and the Pirate

Ichabod: It seems I have been strong armed into an interview with Captain Alan Silvestri, a pirate with a curse. I thought I was done but he would not be silenced. He is captain of the ship The Immortal and calls Tortuga his homeport. Though in this so-called pirate haven there are functioning elements of the modern world…blenders, iPods, CDs player. Your story is being featured in a book entitled The Kraken’s Mirror by Maureen O. Betita. Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

Alan: Mr. Crane, I’m a pirate. It’s a bit obvious, don’t you think? (((tossing his great coat on the back of a chair, Alan sweeps off his tricorn, runs a hand through his long silver hair, hauls a cutlass from its scabbard and sets it noisily on a small table, followed by three pistols)))

Ichabod: Yes it is. Now you claim to be the victim of a curse of good luck. What do you mean by that?

Alan: I’ve sailed the seas of the Kraken’s Caribbean for over 50 years. I was fifteen when I had the misfortune to meet a beautiful woman who tricked me into accepting a curse of good luck. I was young, I was an idiot and thought it a grand adventure. At times, it was. But even good luck can grow tiresome.

Ichabod: You actually believe this woman cursed you with good fortune?

Alan: (((eyes Ichabod sharply and leans forward))) You don’t believe good luck can be a curse?

Ichabod: How could it be?

Alan: Nothing is free, Mr. Crane. And even good luck comes at a price. Imagine if I arrived and took up residence in Sleepy Hallow… As my good luck increase, more and more misfortune falls upon the inhabitants of your lovely little village. I stay long enough – ruins. (((leans back, stretches out his legs and crosses his ankles)))) Makes for a poor welcome.

Ichabod: You are implying that people have tried to do you harm because of this?

Alan: (((grinning))) Yes. Of course, any attempt to actually do me damage rebounds on the poor man who thought to do me harm. I am a successful pirate, though am presently considering retirement.

Ichabod: Now are there any witnesses that might vouch that your curse is real?

Alan: Ask anyone across the Caribbean! I’ve held the curse for 50 years. (((looking away))) A long, lonely 50 years.

Ichabod: Is there anyone specific?

Alan: (((a sparkle enters his eyes))) I’m sure Emily Pawes would be happy to vouch for me. She fell to Tortuga from the modern world as the answer to my dilemma.

Ichabod: Fell from the modern world? What do you mean by that?

Alan: You see, Emily found a mirror, the Albino Kraken made sure of it, and this mirror brought her to Tortuga. Just in time, really, you see, the curse was closing in. At most, I had three days before the curse struck, friend or foe, it didn’t care. My luck truly proved good with her arrival. Emily didn’t believe in any of it at first, in fact she considered herself quite insane. She’s from a world much like the woman writing your tales, that has the magic of electricity, mechanical boxes that play music… She certainly didn’t expect to find them in Tortuga. But we be a fortunate port, and much washes up on our shore. What is lost in one world may end up found in ours.

Ichabod: (((sighs))) It does sound a bit insane. How did you convince Miss Pawes to believe in your curse?

Alan: I was persistent, finding Emily impossible to resist. It took me months to convince her of my reality. Doing so proved…entertaining and enlightening. She is a very passionate woman, once inspired.

Ichabod: Yes well…now what is this business about the Kraken?

Alan: The great Albino Kraken considers the Caribbean his domain. In fact, he considers all the oceans of the world his domain. A powerful, wise and frightening beast. May I suggest if you are ever told to be gentle with all offspring of the Kraken… (((smiling brightly))) …that you do so? I never knew the Albino Kraken was such a romantic! Until Emily arrived. I pray she will remain at my side until the day I die.

Ichabod: Well, good luck to both you and Miss Pawes in that endeavor, Captain Silvestri. Everyone, sane or not, deserves their happily ever after. Even if we have to take it and make it happen.

Alan: I am sensing you have your own tale to spin around the scuttlebutt.

Ichabod: Perhaps, but now is not the time or place. Before you go, Captain, would you mind telling us about the woman that has written your story?

Alan: Ah, well. Maureen O. Betita plays a bartender on the Romance Writers Revenge, a blog that sails what she terms the cyber seas. She actually knows very little about mixing drinks, by the way. From what I understand, she overheard someone telling my story at the Tortuga Liquor Barn, scurried back to the ship and began writing. She’s not a bad sort, for a scribe. The ship is infested with writers, mostly women I understand. Though I hear they encourage strong muscular young men to sail with them.

Ichabod: (((smiling))) Well, that sounds like a lovely addition to any ship. I think I might enjoy Ms. Betita and the company she keeps.

Alan: (((snorts))) I’m quite thankful she managed to get most of the details right and Emily considers her a good friend. Women make friends so easily!

Ichabod: Is there a way I can contact Ms. Betita so that I may speak with her personally?

Alan: She presently inhabits the cyber seas at several ports of call. Her main harbor is at www.maureenobetita.com. She babbles quite frequently at www.romancewritersrevenge.com, under the name of 2nd Chance. In fact, Fridays are her bonifide command. I understand she also visits www.castlesandguns.com every Tuesday and attempts to speak coherently every Sunday and Wednesday at www.believinginsecondchances.typepad.com . And she even blathers on some absurd site I understand is called Twitter. (((takes a deep breath))) I have no idea how she manages to find time to write!

Ichabod: And where can my followers purchase this book, The Kraken's Mirror?

Alan: I understand the book is coming from Decadent Publishing. I do like the cover, though my Emily carries more curves. And the great Albino Kraken isn’t nearly so translucent…

Ichabod: Don’t get me started on inaccurate renderings. Did you see how awful that dastardly Walt Disney drew me?

Alan: (((wincing))) Yes that wasn’t a very good likeness, I’m afraid. One more thing about, Ms. Betita, along with all the writing, she enjoys putting together what she terms ‘pirate swag’. She’d like to offer a piece to some lucky commenter. And chocolate. She has an unhealthy attraction to the stuff! Perhaps another womanly attribute… She and Emily tend to enjoy sitting about the Revenge, devouring chocolate.

Ichabod: Well I shall thank Ms. Betita in advance for the prize. And I may have to stop by her ship some time. Miss Wadsworth is also giving away a copy of a book she wrote about a very loose young woman named Red Riding Hood. Thank you, Captain Silvestri, and to all of my other interviews as well.
It has been very interesting listening to all of these stories. I am just so intrigued how easily people believe such tales. They have all appeared to be sane and normal. But to believe such fantastic things as matchmaking sea monsters...really!
(((laughing))) I believe Brom Bones and I are going to make a fortune off these "believers" when we embark on our journey to "rid" people of their "ghostly" tormentors.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Top 10 Reason Trick-or-Treating is Better than Sex

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.

5. Twenty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the morning after.



Monday, October 11, 2010


Firstly, Ichabod Crane would like to thank Miss Wadsworth for allowing him the use of her blog to champion a subject he has been passionate about for some time: There Are No Such Thing As Ghosts!

The following interviews are all his thoughts and Miss Wadsworth would like to post them all with the declaimer: These interviews have no bearing on her own personal beliefs. Please hold none of Ichabod's nonsense against her.

Yes, well that was most unnecessary, Miss Wadsworth. Nonetheless, I am the schoolmaster in Tarrytown, New York and recently it has been brought to my attention that more than just my students are in want of a proper education. In my century there are many superstitious folks who tell tales of ghosts and goblins.

Perhaps the most dominant spirit where I live is a figure on horseback without a head. It is said to be the ghost of a Hessian trooper whose head was carried away by a cannonball in some nameless battle during the Revolutionary War. Some allege the body of the trooper is buried in the churchyard and the ghost rides in a nightly quest for his head or a suitable replacement.

It is commonly known is the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.

While I choose to avoid traveling this hollow at night, it is not for fear of the Hessian ghost taking my head. It is simply a matter of convenience, regardless what that infuriating cad Brom Bones tells people. The road traveling around Sleepy Hollow simply has less going up and down. Since I do not own a horse I must walk everywhere and I do not wish to tire myself out. The longer road also takes me past my favorite tavern in Tarrytown, not that I could ever mention that to Brom. He would torment me further if he knew… but I digress too much. As the bane of my existence, Brom Bones has a way of sidetracking my thoughts just by the mere mention of his name.

Back to the purpose of these interviews. Over the years I have made a study of supernatural events and sighting. After very little time it was clear to me that the existence of ghosts and the like is utter and complete poppycock. As if some ghost were riding about looking for a new head. It is truly laughable. Nonetheless it seems there are still some folks out there who either believe in such fantastical tales or claim to be one of these ghoulish beings themselves.

Absurd really, isn’t it? Doubtless they might be friends with Brom.

Well, Miss Wadsworth has kindly arraigned for me to interview a sampling of these, shall we call them ‘special’ people. Over the next two weeks they will be stopping by so that they may be given a chance to try and convince me that they are telling the truth and not simply barking mad.

Please go to the top of this page and click on the tab 'The Ichabod Interviews' then make up your mind for yourself.

Ichabod Crane

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Hump Day Contest!!

"Shit, if it's going to be that kind of a party
I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes"

Do you know what song these lyrics come from? Do you know who sang it?

Just post your guess below in 'comments' I need the title and the artist.

Be the first to get it right and win a FREE digital copy of my first erotic novella 'Red Riding Hood' from Decadent Publishing.

Now, come on, don't Google it! Just take a guess! Every guess gets put into a random drawing, too, so you have two chances to win!

Winner will be chosen tonight at midnight!!!

Good Luck!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

New Look!

So does a new look mean a new Deanna?

More than likely not. Sorry. Still the same ol' me!

But I hope you all enjoy the new face of the blog!

I plan to put up some really fun crap in the next few weeks! I mean, I am capable of drawing you in and maybe keeping you as a reader of this silly little blog.

And let's face it, who doesn't want to read an interview given by none other than Ichabod Crane?

Oh you have no idea how fun they will be!

And FREE books!!! Well, my book, anyway...

Keep your eyes pealed!