Well readers, I have allowed a dear friend, Ichabod Crane, to hijack my blog for the month of October to champion a subject he has been passionate about for some time:
There Are No Such Thing As Ghosts!
I actually had to get a promise from all of the guests not to cause any harm to my sweet Ichabod, you know smiting him or the like since he is convinced they are all making up their 'supernaturalness.'
I hope you have a good laugh!!
Yes, well that was most unnecessary, Miss Wadsworth.
Nonetheless, I am Ichabod Crane, the schoolmaster in Tarrytown, New York. Recently it has been brought to my attention that more than just my students are in want of a proper education. In my century there are many superstitious folks who tell tales of ghosts and goblins.
Perhaps the most dominant spirit where I live is a figure on horseback without a head. It is said to be the ghost of a Hessian trooper whose head was carried away by a cannonball in some nameless battle during the Revolutionary War. Some allege the body of the trooper is buried in the churchyard and the ghost rides in a nightly quest for his head or a suitable replacement.
It is commonly known is the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.
While I choose to avoid traveling this hollow at night, it is not for fear of the Hessian ghost taking my head. It is simply a matter of convenience, regardless what that infuriating cad Brom Bones tells people. The road traveling around Sleepy Hollow simply has less going up and down. Since I do not own a horse I must walk everywhere, and I do not wish to tire myself out. The longer road also takes me past my favorite tavern in Tarrytown, not that I could ever mention that to Brom. He would torment me further if he knew… but I digress too much. As the bane of my existence, Brom Bones has a way of sidetracking my thoughts just by the mere mention of his name.
Back to the purpose of these interviews. Over the years I have made a study of supernatural events and sighting. After very little time it was clear to me that the existence of ghosts and the like is utter and complete poppycock. As if some ghost were riding about looking for a new head. It is truly laughable. Nonetheless it seems there are still some folks out there who either believe in such fantastical tales or claim to be one of these ghoulish beings themselves.
Absurd really, isn’t it? Doubtless they might be friends with Brom.
Well, Miss Wadsworth has kindly arraigned for me to interview a sampling of these, shall we call them ‘special’ people. Over the next two weeks they will be stopping by so that they may be given a chance to try and convince me that they are telling the truth and not simply barking mad.
~ Ichabod Crane
Ichabod: Today we have with us Asmodeus whose story is being featured in a book entitled DAUGHTER OF LUST. Asmodeus claims to be (((cough cough))) the High Prince of Hell and Keeper of the Deadly Sin, Lust. Um, I hardly know what to say to that. Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
Asmodeus : I’m one of the original Fallen Angels, beloved by God and trusted with the task of spreading the gift lust to humanity.
Ichabod: A Fallen Angel? You look human to me.
Asmodeus: (((leans forwards, the light catching a faint shimmer in his green eyes))) Tell me, Ichabod, what do you desire? What dreams make you wake up sweaty, hard, and aching to come?
Ichabod: Pardon me?
Asmodeus: Men with women, men with men, tangled twists of sweaty limbs and shuddering moans. Perhaps Brom Bones with that wicked smile which makes your heart race, standing before you, nude as the day he was born and sporting an impressive erection....
Ichabod: (((blustering))) Is this a joke? Who put you up to this?
Asmodeus: (((continues to taunt him))) Perhaps you see Brom, slowly, gently, stroking his shaft and squeezing a tiny liquid pearl to the tip.
Ichabod: (((face red))) Stop this! This in my interview! Where did you get this information?
Asmodeus: (((leans back into the chair and strokes his lips, smiling))) Well now, I would not have thought you had such passion in you. And for another man...tisk tisk...how deliciously forbidden. I wonder what other little surprises you’re hiding beneath that prim exterior.
Ichabod: (((smooths the lapels of his jacket, fumbling with his note cards of interview questions)))I have no idea what you are talking about, sir. But you think you know what people...lust for? Well, that is all well and good, but I think you could've learned this information from other sources...What proof do you have? Are there any people who might vouch for your sanity?
Asmodeus: (((his lips twitch in amusement))) Would you like to ask my head concubine, Galina? She used to be a nun so I believe you could trust her word on who I am.
Ichabod: Does she believe she is human?
Asmodeus: Or perhaps a damned soul? Someone you know...perhaps your town’s late butcher?
Ichabod: As if I could speak to a dead person. What is the issue with the butcher, any way?
Asmodeus: (((laughs))) Oh yes, he is a fine, upstanding man who happens to have a taste for swapping wives with the miller. Yes, the same miller that the butcher’s widow has now moved in with. So kind of the generous couple to help ease her grief in their marital bed. I wonder what the town will say when she discovers she’s pregnant two months after her late husband’s death.
Ichabod: Well, I don’t think I could ask him any of this and unfortunately you appear unable to be reasoned with. Why don’t we discuss something more neutral? Can you tell me about this charlatan that has written your story?
Asmodeus: (((shaking his head, smiling, his canines lengthening))) Quite an interesting woman, that Ann Mayburn. I rarely meet humans who embrace their sexuality and have an open mind about all the types of love that God has gifted his children with. Yes, I can say God without bursting into flames, but that is a tale for another day.
Asmodeus: (((colors shift in his eyes like the northern lights))) Men loving other Men for example. Two rough bodies arching into each other as they grow slick with sweat, thrusting, groaning, taking the pain of a cock in the arse in exchange for a mind blowing orgasm.”
Ichabod: (((speechless mouth hanging open)))
Asmodeus: (((smiling))) Of course, I wholeheartedly give Ann my support with her work. She creates such delicious, decadent sexual stories that help others to embrace their...inner pervert. Does the thought of submitting to another man arouse you, perhaps sharing a woman together? The you should read SODOM AND DETROIT. Or perhaps you yearn to be on your knees, to have another man command you in your pleasure as he paints your face with his hot seed while a woman licks it from your lips, if that perversion appeals to you, if it makes your cock ache, then you should read THE BREAKER'S CONCUBINE
Ichabod: Yes, well...um...perhaps another time. Is there a way I can contact this author so that I may speak with them personally about this...sinful lust they are perpetuating?
Asmodeus: (((chuckles and leans forward so his elbows rest on his knees, tightening his breeches to reveal his erection)))
Ichabod: (((fidgets in his seat, eyes darting south))) Sir, would you stop this nonsense? I asked you a question?
Asmodeus : Of course, you can see a complete list of Ann Mayburn’s works at HERE.
Be warned, some of the samples from her books will hasten your arrival to my portion of Hell.
Ichabod: You don't say?
Asmodeus: You can also reach her through the public notice board, Facebook
She always loves to spread the gospel of loving your lust so I would highly encourage you to contact her with any of your questions.
Ichabod: And where can my followers purchase this book if they wish for a good laugh? I’m, assuming it is in the fiction category (((snort, snort )))
Buy Ann here:
Ichabod: (((tugs on his collar a bit and clears his throat)))Well, thank you for coming today, Asmodeus. It had been very....interesting. I don't know if I believe you are a fallen angel as you claim, but I do think you and this Ann Mayburn have some very inappropriate things you like to talk about. I wouldn't be surprised if Brom Bones did send you to torment and tease me.
What do you readers think of my guest? Do you think he was telling the truth?
One lucky commenter will win both a copy of my book THE LEGEND OF SLEEPY HOLLOW written by my lovely hostess, Deanna Wadsworth, and a copy of Ann Mayburn's TURQUOISE MOON.