Thursday, November 18, 2010

The FBI Agent


Ichabod: Today we have with us FBI agent, Jackie Rutledge out of the Chicago field office whose story is being featured in a book entitled Deadworld by J.N. Duncan, which will be in bookstores April, 2011. Miss Rutledge claims that there is an afterlife and sometimes those dead folks come back to this side, for better or worse.
Miss Wadsworth told me to be extra nice to you because she read your story and says it is…now I quote…awesome

Jackie: She thinks its “awesome” all the shit I had to go through? I don’t think I care for this chick.

Ichabod: Yes, well. I am beginning to doubt my hostess right about now as well. You should see the crazy people she has sent my way to interview. Just Sunday I was forced to talk to a man that thought he could turn into a cat or a panther or something. But I digress, Miss Rutledge. Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself?

Jackie: First of all, I'm not sure why I even agreed to do this. I don't like reporters in general, but as you seem to be bordering on insulting my partner's psychic abilities, I'm going to step in and say a few things here. First off, my credentials. I'm a field agent with the FBI out of Chicago. I hunt down killers for a living, and while 99 times out of 100, these come as living, breathing, despicable human beings, I'll be the first to say that on rare occasions, the dead like to get in on the action.

Ichabod: Um ... you had me until you said ‘the dead.’

Jackie: Yeah, it was nice when I could be like you. But I know this because I've seen it in action. Also, my partner is psychic. She can talk to dead people. She has seen ghosts, and yes, I mean those hazy, gray apparitions you typically think of when wondering just what ghosts might look like. I've seen one myself as well, so don't give me that arched eyebrow look. I know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Ichabod: You do, eh?

Jackie: I will readily admit to skepticism with regard to the supernatural. I understand your reticence, and you certainly look the reticent type, but I've had direct encounters with ghosts in the past. The particular case from a few years ago when I saw a ghost comes to mind, when we had members of a family being killed. Three men were murdered: a son, a father, and grandfather, all by different people. It turns out these murderers all had one thing in common. They were possessed by the ghost of the young woman raped and killed by these family members. When we caught up to the final killer, my partner made this ghost leave. It stepped out of the person's body and I saw it with my own two eyes. Seeing is believing, let me tell you.

Ichabod: Unlike the others I've interviewed, you seem to be a very logical person. I myself have seen strange things, too. I don’t believe in ghosts but I avoid traveling through Sleepy Hollow at night. The rumors of the Headless Horseman are growing wilder the closer we get to All Hallow’s Eve. But I have to say, were I to actually witness something, as you said, I might change my mind. Are you working on any cases of interest currently?

Jackie: I'm on a case that has all the earmarks of supernatural involvement once again. My partner sensed the presence of the dead around a boy who was drained of all his blood.

Ichabod: (((pales a bit))) The body was literally in vampires? I haven’t had the best experience with vampires.

Jackie: Yes, literally drained, but no, I'm not saying it's a vampire. Even my belief only goes so far.

Ichabod: (((sigh of relief))) How can you be sure that there really is a “presence,” as you called it, near this drained body?

Jackie: I trust my partner's abilities in this regard. She knows what she's doing and I've seen her in action. And no, you can't come along to check it out. If you can't trust my word on this, then you can go soak that big, scrawny head of yours.

Ichabod: Really, Miss Rutledge! I wasn’t insulting her. I was simply asking…but apparently you are in a confrontational frame of mind. Perhaps there is a way I could speak with her?

Jackie: If you insist on speaking with her about these matters, I can give you the FBI office's number. She might talk to you about this, but I'm guessing no. She doesn't like being public with this as you might imagine.

Ichabod: I can imagine.

Jackie: Hey, we got a job to do and you get all kinds of weirdos coming out of the woodwork when ghosts get mentioned. Hell, maybe you might want to call this company we're investigating called ‘Special Investigations.’

Ichabod: And what organization is this?

Jackie: Apparently they hunt ghosts, but you might want to hurry on that, since I'm guessing they may not be in business much longer, if I have anything to do with it. Its run by some cowboy wanna-be named Nick Anderson. Don't say I didn't warn you though.

Ichabod: I may call ‘Special Investigations’ another time. I believe I would like to read your story, Deadworld. Can you tell me about the man that has written it?

Jackie: The author of my story? You mean the ass-hat who keeps throwing me into one shitstorm after another?

Ichabod: (((taken aback))) That’s not usually the response I get. Most of my interviewees adore their author.

Jackie: Read what he's done to me and then we'll talk. Do you know how to handle a gun? I might part with mine if you're willing to do a little "behind the scenes" work for me in this matter.

Ichabod: You are the second person I have interviewed that asked me to commit an act of violence. I do not condone physical violence. Unless of course, you’re referring to spanking. Everyone loves a little spanking now and then, wouldn’t you agree?

Jackie: (((observes Ichabod for a moment))) Anyway, the author of Deadworld author is J.N. Duncan. I haven't been able to track down the sonofabitchsonuvabitch, but you might have some luck through the publisher, Kensington. My hands are tied somewhat in this regard as you might understand. Hell, you’re probably into that. But I might make it worth your while if you can make something happen. I'd like a few words with that...okay, anyway. I don't want to get carried away here or bring any more suspicions down on me.

Ichabod: You are a highly energetic woman.

Jackie: I’ll take that as a compliment

Ichabod: It was intended as one. Is there a way I can contact this troublemaker so that I may speak with him personally about the problems they he is causing you?

Jackie: If you really want to do that, you can make contact through Wordpress, Facebook or Twitter. Do so at your own peril, but like I said, if you can manage to dissuade the bastard of making my life hell, I'll compensate you for your efforts.

Ichabod: (((chuckle))) Now where can my followers purchase this book Deadworld?

Jackie: Fortunately, this story is not on the streets yet, but if you insist on getting your hands on it, you can pre-order it at Amazon. Just look for Deadworld. And no, don't ask me what the hell that title means. I don't want to know.

Ichabod: Thank you, Miss Rutledge. You have been an absolute pleasure.

Jackie: Seriously?

Ichabod:(((laughs))) Yes! I believe you are the most logical person I have spoken with in all of these interviews. I suppose Miss Wadsworth was correct in sending you my way. It’s a refreshing change to talk to someone that doesn’t imagine they are living statues, vampires or cats. And don't get me started on pixies! (((shakes head)))

Besides, I could always use a friend in the FBI. That rotten Brom Bones has been up to his old tricks again, breaking into my school house and turning everything topsy-turvy. That has to be something the authorities could put a stop to. Too bad they can’t stop that constant winking business. Every time Brom bests me, be it with word or deed, he always winks at me. The intention behind that frustrates me to no end. Hopefully this Saturday, when I attend the quilting frolic at the Van Tassel mansion, he will not be in attendance.

Then again, what sport is there in competing for a girl when your rival is not there to witness your victories? It seems rather like a waste of time, if you ask me.

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