Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Vampire Succubus


Ichabod: Today we have with us Kate Kincaid whose story is being featured in a book entitled Requiem by Ashley M. Christman. This work of fiction, I highly emphasizes the word fiction, will be released 9/27/2010 from Noble Romance. Miss Kincaid claims that she is not human. I am curious what this means. Miss Kincaid, can you please tell us a bit about yourself?

Kate: Well Ichabod, I’m a vampire who also has succubus abilities.

Ichabod: (((clears throat))) Um, could you repeat that, Miss Kincaid? I think I misheard you. Did you say that you were a vampire succubus?

Kate: You heard right, Ichabod.

Ichabod: And what, pray tell, it a vampire succubus?

Kate: What this means is that I can feed on food or ((gives a flirtatious eye)) lust. I can choose either or, depending on the victim or my personal preference. If I feed on sex, then my need for blood is lessened.

Ichabod: (((fidgets restlessly))) You feed on sex? I know I am going to get myself in loads of trouble with my student’s parents for asking this, but how in the blazes does something like that work?

Kate: (((laughs))) If you must know, one time my maker and I went to this dance around your part of the woods.

Ichabod: Near Tarrytown, New York?

Kate: That would be the place.

Ichabod: And what do you mean your ‘maker?’

Kate: The vampire whom snatched me from the wretched condition of mortality and made me into what I am.

Ichabod: That’s preposterous.

Kate: I’m going to ignore that for now. Anyhow, there were plenty of virile men and sexy young women. As you can imagine, lots of repressed sexual energy filled the room thanks to those ridiculous puritanical values you all have.

Ichabod: (((sniff))) Not me. It’s the Dutch settlers that live here who are so blasted puritanical, believe me.

Kate: Yeah, I do. I heard all about your favorite tavern from some of the men at the dance. They were quite chatty.

Ichabod: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Kate: (((laugh))) Oh, yes you do. The tavern that the men like to ‘tarry’ at on Market Day. I heard you like to be tied up.

Ichabod: Yes, yes…well let’s not mention that here. I have a reputation to uphold. Now, please, continue with the rest of this fanciful story.

Kate: (((laughing))) Oh, you’re too easy to tease, Ichabod! Don’t worry, I won’t tell any body about what you’re up to in that back room. I have secrets of my own and perhaps some of my secrets could be shown to you. Well, that dance was ripe for the picking so I just turned on the succubus charm, flirted a bit and before the end of the night, I had an orgy of blood and lust to feed from. I was satiated for nearly two months after gorging myself on them.

Ichabod: I recall hearing about that incident. There was blood found in the house and everyone was out of their mind for days. The authorities deemed that a cruel hoax. Someone put something in the punch. Surely you can’t expect me to believe that you and this ‘maker’ of yours drank their blood?

Kate: Don’t forget the wild sex. The spankings alone were enough to leave some of the young men unable to sit for a few days. I heard there was quite the boom in brides not found to be virgins on their wedding night for months afterwards. Tasty tarts, they were.

Ichabod: Now that’s an image I’m going to have trouble erasing from my mind. Miss Kincaid, I am grateful that you have agreed to chat with me but you must admit, this is all a bit far fetched. Makers, blood and wild orgies. Do you have any proof that this might be true? Any other people that might vouch for your sanity?

Kate: Perhaps you should ask my friend Jack, you can trust him. He is, after all, an angel.

Ichabod: ((((looks skyward))) And now the succubus talks to angels.

Kate: If you don’t want to talk to Jack, perhaps you can pay a visit to my other friend Nick, though I’m not sure he won’t just try and get you to sell your soul to hell.

Ichabod: Perhaps some other time. Since you appear convinced that your story is true, why don’t we discuss something more neutral? Less vulgar. Can you tell me about this charlatan that has written your story?

Kate: Ashley M. Christman is a stubborn recluse. She lives with her partner Tom and their dog, Colby in the upper Midwest. When not conjuring up fantastic worlds or telling the life stories of her subjects, she’s outside, enjoying the great outdoors. She can also be found at the local library, banging away on her keyboard while listening to all manners of music.

Ichabod: Is there a way I can contact this author so that I may speak with them her personally about the nonsense they are perpetuating?

Kate: >Her website or her Facebook Fan Page, Ashley M. Christman. You can also contact her on Twitter.

Ichabod: And where can my readers purchase this book if they wish for a good laugh? I’m, assuming it is in the fiction category (((snort, snort )))

Kate: You know Ichabod, for a being a silly human, you have some nerve being so condescending. I’d be careful if I were you, or I can arrange for you to be just as headless as the horseman.

Ichabod: Another false story perpetuated by the superstitious.

Kate: Whatever, pal. Readers can find my tale at Noble Romance

Ichabod: Do you have any final thoughts, Miss Kincaid?

Kate: I’ll be coming by for a late night snack, Ichabod. Don't worry, babe, I’ll bring the rope. (((as if she had some supernatural ability, she sped away like a blur in the night)))

Ichabod: Well, that was interesting, for sure. While Miss Kincaid was lovely, she was quite confrontational. I suppose that might be expected of the mentally unsound. On the other hand, if she was simply barking, how did she manage to know about me and the tavern? Maybe she was telling the truth….. (((laugh))) No. I’ve been hearing so many ghost stories lately it must be my imagination getting the best of me again.

That rotten Brom Bones probably sent her here to tease me.

Yes, no doubt about it. A sex crazed vampire succubus!

(((laugh))) Really! What poppycock!

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